Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
