I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
