On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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