are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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