I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
