i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
