I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
