Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
