My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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