I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
