even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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