dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
