why im i the only drunk person in the library?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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