my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
