i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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