Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
