She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
