I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's shark week go big or go home
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
