I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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