i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
