To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She needs sedatives and a leash
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
