all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
