Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just high enough for therapy.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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