this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
