I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
and she was petting her beer can
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So many bounce houses so little time
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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