i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He felt like a one man threesome
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
