This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
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Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
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Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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