Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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