Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I will pee on everything he values.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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