Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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