Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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