You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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