last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
