If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
