Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
