My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
