I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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