Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So many bounce houses so little time
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
