He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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