The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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