she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
