mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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