i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
