I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
The air taste purple.
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