Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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