I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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