My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
