it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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