Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
