she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
