just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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