Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
