Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
