I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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