I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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