Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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