Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
