So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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