i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
