Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
