the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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