I accidentally burped into my bong.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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