Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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