I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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