I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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