He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
