Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
ttyl tear gas
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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