She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
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but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
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he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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