In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
