I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
