My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
