Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
