I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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