census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You can't special order awesome
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
how drunk are you?
Several
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
