you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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